An Open Letter to My Single Sisters in Christ on Valentine’s Day

Dear Sister in Christ,

I know for some of you, this time of year can be difficult. For all its glittering cards, heart-shaped boxes of chocolate, and red rose based flower arrangements, Valentine’s Day confronts each of us with a basic question that speaks to the very core of our existence: “Does anyone love me?” This is a very human question, it touches a nerve within us because we all know, deep down, that we were made for more than ourselves. At the apex of the creation account Scripture affirms that it is not good for man to be alone, this is why He created Eve— to be a helpmeet and companion for Adam. Marriage was God’s idea, it was meant to be a picture of Christ and His bride the church. It is a beautiful, sacred thing God designed and it is to be held in honor by all (Hebrews 13:4). 

That being said, marriage and relationships are often two of the biggest idols in Christianity. In our culture we are defined by our relationship status, a person is either: single, in a relationship or married. We read books, we watch movies and we dream of meeting “the one”, falling in love and being carried away by prince charming to live happily ever after. Sisters, we must fight against our culture’s mindset and grasp the truth that our identity is not in our singleness, our identity is in Jesus Christ. While marriage is a good and godly desire, we must not strive so strongly for marriage that we neglect striving for deeper intimacy with our true Prince and Savior: Jesus Christ.

Desiring marriage is not a bad thing, I don’t want you to mistake what I am trying to say, but more often than not our desire for marriage is driven by fleshly and selfish motives— we are lonely, we are tired of our “single status”, we want someone to care for us and admire us, we desire physical intimacy etc. It’s all centered around me, myself and I. Ask yourself: What are your motives for wanting to be married or in a relationship? Are you desiring fulfillment? Admiration? Security?

We should desire marriage solely out of the desire to glorify Christ: “God, if I can serve You better, advance Your kingdom further and bring more glory to Your name through marrying a godly man so that He and I can bond together in an inseparable union in which to serve You alongside each other for the rest of our lives and glorify You by dying to our selfish desires then I want to be married.” (Sort of takes the romance out of it huh?)

If you cannot honestly say that you would rather be single the rest of your life if that is what brings more glory and honor to Christ then I encourage you to ask God to give you a humble heart that desires His will above your own (John 6:38). If you are not worshipping Jesus for your singleness, you are exalting what you think is best for your life over the situation that God, in His providence, has placed you in. I can assure you if you are not content in your singleness, you will not be content or fulfilled in a relationship. Fulfillment, joy and contentment cannot be found in any earthly relationship, they can only be found in a relationship with Jesus. 

Learn to rest content in Him today, Sisters. Strive with all your might to grow closer to Him with a genuine heart. Fall more deeply in love with the One who loved you enough to give His life for you. Until you love Jesus most you cannot love an earthly man well. Have you truly fallen in love with Christ? Are there ever times when you just can’t seem to get your mind off of Him? Do you ever just sit and meditate on His attributes and marvel at how wonderful He is? Do you speak of Him often to those around you? Are you actively serving Him? Do you communicate with Him throughout the day? Are you eager to read His Word as you would be to read a letter or text message from a guy you like? Do you ever just stay up all night to pray and worship Him? Do you enjoy being in His presence, long for time alone with Him?

Single Sisters, my greatest desire for you is not that you will find “the one” and live happily ever after but that you will first, fall more deeply in love with Jesus Christ. I pray that all your love will be directed to Christ, that every desire of your heart will be claimed by Christ, and that all your dreams will be fulfilled in a life lost in the love of Jesus. Jesus is so worthy of all your love and affection and, more often than not, as you draw closer to Him, He will bring along the right man in His timing. Trust Him, love Him, press into Him today, Sisters, lean on Him, He is good and He is enough.