The Importance of God-Honoring Friendships
“He is a true friend who points you closer to God” -Charles Spurgeon
Christianity was never meant to be lived in solitude but in community, and part of community involves friendships. Christian friends are a gift from God given to believers as a means to help us grow in grace and to stay true to Christ. True friends bring us closer to God and help us enjoy Him more fully. God never intended for us to practice our Christian faith alone, He uses other people in our lives to help us grow as Christians.
Accountability
“Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment.” -Proverbs 18:1
Alone, we are more susceptible to believing lies. Alone, we can often fail to see those sins in ourselves that may be lurking in secret. Alone, we buckle underneath the weight of our sin. Alone, we grow weary and discouraged in the fight against sin. We need the ministry of other Christians to bring us to God when we are too weak. We need more than just encouraging words though, sometimes we need admonishing words. Words of correction, as well as words of comfort. Words of rebuke, as well as reassurance.
“Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression you who are spiritual restore him in a spirit of gentleness” -Galatians 6:1
Sin deceives us and darkens our understanding, so much so, that we can be walking in sin and thinking God is pleased with us. This is why we desperately need friends who are willing to point out our sin, friends who are willing to expose the sin that is hindering our relationship with God. A good friend tells you the truth about yourself even when it is difficult to do so, they are an uncomfortable grace for our sanctification. We need friends who are willing to overcome the awkwardness and speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15).
Proverbs 27:5-7 says, “Better is an open rebuke than hidden love, faithful are the wounds of a friend, profuse are the kisses of an enemy.” No one wants to hear that they are wrong, but correction is often the gift we desperately need, it is only a true friend who is willing to give it when it is needed. The Word of God is meant to instruct us and correct us (2 Timothy 3:16-17). It exposes our worldly thinking, self-centered motivations, sinful attitudes etc. A loving rebuke issued by the Word of God through the lips of a friend is a gift from God. How we respond to criticism and correction determines if we will grow wiser or more foolish. Heeding reproof is the gateway to wisdom, let us choose the way of wisdom and receive a friend’s rebuke.
“Therefore, confess your sins to each other…” -James 5:16 Jesus commands us to confess our sins to one another so that we can have them pray for us. When we are accountable to others, confessing our failures to them, we feel the weight of our sin to a greater degree, and we experience the gracious embrace of God through a friend who reminds us we are already forgiven through the life and death of Jesus.
Encouragement and Edification
“As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” -Proverbs 27:17
We need friends to encourage us in our obedience to Christ. On our own, we can become lazy and stagnant, not just by doing the wrong things but by failing to do the right things. We need the encouragement of friends to help us gain a bigger vision of why obedience to God matters. Encouragement is affirmation that obedience is honoring to God. Real friends will not allow us to make excuses for our apathy but will encourage us when obedience is difficult and challenge and exhort us when necessary.
As a child of God, you have a very special relationship with other Christians, you are a member of the body of Christ. His body has members, each of which is essential. Every member is to work together to fulfill God’s mission here on earth. If the body of Christ is to become mature, every individual Christian must be committed to building up each other. The goal of edification is spiritual maturity. We are to speak words that build up one another (Eph 4:29). Words of grace minister to others and meet their needs.
The Christian walk is difficult, it requires sacrifices. Our individual callings as Christians can likewise be difficult, we need other believers to encourage us to press on when we are weary and discouraged. We need friends who can edify us, daily “exhorting us to love and good works” even when it requires personal sacrifice and hardship.
Burden Bearing
“Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ…” -Galatians 6:2
Bearing each other’s burdens means sharing the heavy load of a friend. This may mean regularly listening to and praying for a friend who is in a hard season or helping them in practical ways. Friendship provides opportunities to serve in many tangible ways. We are called to enter into one another’s suffering, to be a blessing in the lives of others. This kind of love demonstrates the spirit of Christ to our friends by seeking to be inconvenienced in order to meet their needs (Philippians 2:4). Serve one another in love (Galatians 5:13).
Intercession
Mark 2:4-13 is the perfect example of intercession. What the paralytic man was unable to do for himself, his friends did for him; they brought him closer to Christ, they carried him before Jesus for healing. Through intercessory prayer we can bring our friends to God, asking Him to do greater things in their lives than they may have the boldness to pray for themselves. As Charles Spurgeon once said, “No man can do me a greater kindness than to pray for me.” There is comfort in knowing you are not praying for your needs alone but that others are also praying for you in your struggles.
Discipleship
Friendship is more than just having peers our age and in our season of life (though that’s important too!), friendship is also a way to mentor, counsel, and disciple others and to be blessed in these ways ourselves. Seek out older, wiser women like the kind described in Titus 2 so that you can learn from them. There is safety in a multitude of counselors as Proverbs 11:14 says. Friends are often the ones we go to discuss our problems with, so choose wise friends rather than just fun peers.
Many of us have a beloved peer or mentor who poured wisdom and experience into us in just the right season, but regardless of whether we have had that or not, we can all be that kind of friends to someone else. Waiting for a season of more time, more quiet, or more to give, keeps another sister from the precious grace of being invited in- into the messiness, the ordinariness, the imperfections. This is where true learning and formation happen- not in having it all together but in humbly holding out what we do have for God’s use. Disciple in humility, be transparent about your own failures and struggles and let them see you clinging to Christ through them. Find someone you can invest in and speak truth into. This may be a daughter, foster daughter, a young lady at your church, a niece, a neighbor etc. Give them space to ask you questions and let them share their heart with you. Even if you don’t have all the answers, you can listen and point her to the One who does.
Helping Godly Friendships Grow
- New friendships require someone to speak first. Don’t be afraid to move out of your comfort zone and be the first to speak or introduce yourself, seek the interests of others above that of your own. Ask good questions, find mutual interests, talk about the things of God. Pray for God to bless it. Work at being a friend to others, show hospitality, follow up with people. Friendships won’t grow without effort. You have something to give to others and a stewardship from God to share it.
- Be quick to listen and slow to speak. Most of us are eager to have the attention of others but we must learn to esteem others better than ourselves through active listening. Active listening involves paying attention to what is being said rather than constantly interjecting or thinking of what you will say next. Listen to really know a person and understand their viewpoints. Conversations should be me more than a two-sided monologue.
- Advancing the kingdom of God together is one of the best ways to strengthen friendships. I have met most of my closest friends through ministry opportunities. Are you a lonely Christian? Seek to serve! Get involved in the ministries at your church or local evangelism outreaches, join missions or prayer groups, volunteer at camps for special needs or foster kids, travel to Christian conference and volunteer etc. If you look to meet the needs around you, you are more than likely going to meet other Christians who are passionate about meeting those same needs. Serving together bonds friends into family.
- Enjoy life together. Don’t overthink friendships, it is more than simply a working partnership or a support system for the suffering. God has given us good gifts to enjoy, and we multiply our joys by sharing them. Food is just one example of God’s god gifts that can more fully be enjoyed in community. In the New Testament, we see believers breaking bread together in their homes and sharing meals often. Enjoy all the gifts God has given and share them with friends: music, laughter, the beauty of creation etc. Enjoy life together!
- Think together. The Bible says we are to be of one mind (Philippians 2:2). Think through the deep things of Scripture together, converse about theology. Challenge one another’s perspectives, this is how we learn and grow as Christians. Learn to debate with mutual respect for one another. Have the humility to admit that you are often wrong and the courage to speak up for what you believe. Learn to agree to disagree and to love one another despite the disagreements in the end. Cultivate a spirit of unity amongst friends.
Friendship is a gift from God, pursue it, maintain it and honor God through it!