Why is There So Much Singleness?

There are many young Christian brothers and sisters who are finding themselves single for much longer than they ever wished for. Others looking on often poke at singles and look to shift the blame entirely on them. This is hurtful, not simply for sake of hurt feelings, but rather because finding a godly spouse who wants to build a household together and advance the Kingdom of God is hard. It’s very hard!

The ladies can complain that godly masculine men are scarce and guys can also complain that godly feminine women are few. Yes it’s true, but it kind of glosses over some deeper issues of why there is currently so much singleness in Christendom. 

We are suffering from a few generations of passive, effeminate men and loud, domineering women, the household was slowly abandoned and we are seeing the effects of that now. Finding a spouse seventy to one hundred years ago was in many ways much simpler than it is now. Even though the biblical foundations of the household, family, and sexuality were being attacked back then, they were mostly still intact.

We are now living in an interesting time of true devastation where the foundations are completely gone. The “American church” is bankrupt. 

My generation is now left with the heavy task of rebuilding the foundations of biblical living, households, marriage, family and even the church. We are having to completely start over and rediscover what true masculinity and femininity are. We have been so confused by our culture and the so called “church”, that we are scrambling to find the truth. Maybe this is why finding a spouse is now harder. We are not just looking for a spouse, we are looking for a comrade in war and labor. We are not just wanting to have a child, we want to be a fruitful vine and send out arrows. We are not satisfied to check in one day a week to sing hymns and head back out to our comfortable lives full of distractions, we want to truly serve Christ in all our daily words and deeds. We need husbands that are strong and can lovingly lead. We need wives that are calm and love joyful submission.

Ladies, where can we change to be more feminine and godly? Go before the Lord and ask Him to search your heart. You want a godly husband, but are you a godly woman? Are we learning and gaining the skills we need to build a fruitful household? I know we all have areas to improve in. Let’s just get busy. We need to rebuild the household and make it the center of work, play, war, laughter, prayer, teaching, training, discipling and joyful submission to the One True King. 

This is not a complaint letter. This is looking at the facts around us square in the face. It can be discouraging to say the least. We have a lot of work to do and so little time to do it. 

But, we have a faithful God. He upholds us with His right hand. He is for the rebuilding that we are tasked with. He loves godly marriages and families. Let’s look to Him to provide the godly spouses we need for the advancement of His Kingdom. So have courage, continue, and keep your eyes on Christ… our prize!

“and be strong, all ye people of the land, saith the Lord, and work: for I am with you, saith the Lord of hosts” -Haggai 2:4

“Then answered I them, and said unto them, The God of heaven, he will prosper us; therefore we his servants will arise and build:” -Nehemiah 2:20

“But many of the priests and Levites and chief of the fathers, who were ancient men, that had seen the first house, when the foundation of this house was laid before their eyes, wept with a loud voice; and many shouted aloud for joy:

So that the people could not discern the noise of the shout of joy from the noise of the weeping of the people: for the people shouted with a loud shout, and the noise was heard afar off.” -Ezra 3:12-13